


Trifle

by Mackaley



Series: BT Tower Telephone Group E [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M, Snake Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26648626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mackaley/pseuds/Mackaley
Summary: Crowley is a very scary snake demon and he'll do whatever it takes to prove it.Written for the DIWS Telephone Event
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: BT Tower Telephone Group E [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937872
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Trifle

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Draw Me Like One of Your Snek Girls?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26655262) by [CatofApocalypse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatofApocalypse/pseuds/CatofApocalypse). 



> This was written for the Do It With Style server's BT Tower Telephone Event! An explanation of the event can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636956) at the beginning of the series this is part of. 
> 
> I was given a blurred and partially redacted piece of art and had to write something based on that given our group's theme of "crack" and a T rating. Enjoy, and make sure to check out the rest of the works in this series and the other groups as well! (Might take a day or so after posting - the mods have to organize all the works in order and people will be posting through the weekend!)

“You didn’t hear the way they were taunting me, Aziraphale!” 

Aziraphale glanced over his glasses as Crowley paced angrily around the open center of the shop and saw the demon’s hair was disheveled from where he’d been pulling at it. He returned back to his reading and flipped a page.

“They’re children, Crowley. You are above this.”

Crowley marched (if it could be called marching, the way he swung his hips) over to Aziraphale and snatched the book out of his hand. Aziraphale’s noise of protest turned into a sigh as he saw the gleam of righteous fury in Crowley’s eyes, his long finger pointing dangerously close to Aziraphale’s nose. 

“ _They_ ,” Crowley seethed, “are a hellhound, the Antichrist, and children who defeated three horsemen. I refuse to rise above this.”

“Well, with resumes like that, it’s really no wonder they don’t find you scary.”

Crowley scowled. “ _Our side_ , Aziraphale. That means you’re supposed to take _my_ side against everyone else’s, especially against these miscreants!”

“I wasn’t aware that was what I signed up for when we made things more official.”

The demon started to storm away before Aziraphale grabbed his hand and tugged him back. He resisted being pulled into Aziraphale’s lap, but did let him press apologetic kisses to his hand. 

“I’m sorry, darling. I love you, and of course I will support you in whatever… _scheme_ you’re planning. As long as it doesn’t actually hurt the children.”

“Not gonna hurt them. Just gonna scare them so bad they’ll wish they’d never been born.”

“ _Crowley_.”

“Listen, are you gonna help out or not?”

Aziraphale removed his glasses, placed them on his desk, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course, darling. What do you need me to do?”

* * *

The Them were playing in Hogback Wood, the first signs of twilight blanketing the sky in pink and blue, when they heard a loud rustle in the distance. 

“Did you hear that?” Brian looked around trying to locate the source of the noise, but another rustle came from behind him and he spun around. 

“Whatever it is, it sounds big,” Pepper replied. 

Adam hopped down from a log and pointed at a glowing light in the distance. “Look!” 

They stood huddled together, Dog standing guard in front of them, as the light grew closer and the noise became louder. Suddenly a large black snake, nearly fifteen meters long, with yellow eyes that almost glowed in the low light burst through the trees with someone holding a flaming sword sitting astride it, desperately trying not to be flung off. 

Adam’s eyes lit up in recognition and he waved. “Oh hey, Aziraphale! Did you get your sword back? Looks cool.”

Aziraphale smiled and held the sword high. His face was covered in makeup that probably would have passed for frightening in a film a century earlier. “It’s a facsimile! I thought I did a rather good job making it look--”

Crowley reared up with a frustrated hiss and came eye to large, scaly nose with the angel. “Aziraphale! Do not engage with the enemy! Be more intimidating!”

“Ah, yes.” He affected a more serious face and attempted a frightening grimace. “Boo!” He waved the sword in the air.

If snakes could roll their eyes, Crowley would be rolling his. “Don’t know why I thought bringing you along would help. How about _this_!”

He charged forward and Aziraphale yelped as he tried to stay on his back. He whipped his head around and bared his fangs, each nearly a foot in size and dripping in (“ _non-lethal, angel_ ”) venom, inches from the children’s heads. Pepper and Brian blinked. Dog sat down and wagged his tail. Wensleydale actually had the audacity to stick his head further into Crowley’s mouth. 

“Actually, this is fascinating, Mr. Crowley. I’ve read a couple of books on herpetology, but it’s much easier to see what they were talking about up close rather than in the small printed pictures.” 

Crowley reared back again to face Aziraphale. “Angel!” he whined.

It took everything in Aziraphale to hold back his laughter and to furrow his eyebrows sternly. “Now, children. Crowley is a very dangerous snake demon and you would be wise to give him a wide berth. He is very scary and not to be trifled with.”

“What’s trifle got to do with anything?” Pepper asked. 

“It means don’t mess with him,” Adam explained. “Dad says it about some politician on the news all the time. Listen, Crowley, big snakes are cool, not scary. You’re gonna have to try harder to scare us.”

Crowley pushed his nose into Adam’s chest so he could glare at him more closely. The effect was mitigated by Adam running his hand over the scales between his eyes.

“You listen here, Antichrist,” he hissed with menace. “We may literally owe you our lives and will continue to protect you as best as we can, but I will not rest until I make you _piss yourself in terror_.”

Aziraphale gasped and swatted at Crowley’s back. “Crowley!”

Crowley turned in a smooth circle before slithering back off into the woods and shouting, “You will piss yourself, Adam Young!”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Adam Young Stands Victorious Over Defeated Ophidian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633758) by [mehrto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehrto/pseuds/mehrto)




End file.
